What makes a true slave? This British boi spills his unfiltered truth on why losing all liberty is where he finds ultimate freedom. Discover his unique definition of submission, his desire for Total Power Exchange (TPE), and the surprising bliss of being fully owned and completely controlled.
For some, power is a cage. For others, it’s the key to liberation. Today, MasterMarc sits down with Harry, a young British boi on a quest for Total Power Exchange (TPE) – a life where every choice is relinquished, every desire dictated. Get ready to confront his deepest needs and explore the surprising freedom found in ultimate restriction.
MasterMarc: Hi Harry. I know you’ve had some short-term Power Exchange experiences, and you liked it. Now you’re searching for long-term TPE. As a child, I always hated my parents restricting my liberties, though, of course, it was often good for me. Can you tell us when you realized you actually liked being restricted?
Harry: I’m struggling to answer this because I can’t think of a particular moment where I realized that I enjoyed being controlled. For me, it (and a lot of my other kinks) have been more of a gradual realization – catching a glimpse of an idea in a video or Tumblr post, or from something that someone else has said. And then it spirals out from there until I’m begging to lick someone’s boots or wear chastity, haha.
MasterMarc: It’s quite natural that such needs and desires grow with time. Can you tell us about the fantasies you’ve had before you started to live TPE in real life?
Harry: I think a lot of my fantasies revolve around being steadily “corrupted.” One of my oldest fantasies is of working in an office with a Boss who gradually dominates and conditions me, until I’m a poorly paid PA and Houseboy, caged and grateful for everything.
Dehumanization also appeals to me in this way. Being stripped of my individuality and becoming a toy, or simply an extension of the Dominant. And of course, hypnosis and mindfuckery plays into that a lot!
MasterMarc: “Die Gedanken sind frei” (Thoughts are free) is an old German song about freedom of thought. But it’s often difficult to live fantasies in real life. One of the most important issues with the fantasies you’ve told us is that they don’t build on consent, and consent is the base of good SM. Have you ever thought about how this problem could be solved?
Harry: I think I’ve mostly solved this problem (for myself) by acknowledging that these are simply fantasies. I’d be very alarmed and likely not turned on if someone tried to do something without my consent – part of being free to submit is feeling safe in the environment and with the person I’m submitting to. I don’t ever meet up with someone without having a (hopefully LENGTHY) conversation about both of our interests and expectations. Sessions and sex are far more fun when you feel safe to let go and give up control completely. I also have never worked under a Boss who has been a charming, handsome dominant!
I find that to be an issue with a lot of Doms and fellow subs – the inability to recognize that fantasies can’t always be reality.
MasterMarc: Hehe. But if you were to find this person and an environment where you felt safe and protected… would you say that the fantasy you’ve had is still a kind of goal for your life?
Harry: It’s definitely something I’d love to try! Who knows, I could hate the 24/7 aspect of it and be desperate to have my own opinions and freedom. But I doubt that! I like having a structure to my life, which I find difficult to impose on myself.
The Freedom of Restriction: Why TPE Just Feels Right
MasterMarc: Why do you think you would feel comfortable in such a long-term, lived Total Power Exchange situation?
Harry: I like having a structure to my life, which I find difficult to impose on myself. Being able to focus on another person’s desires and ideas, I find, is also a great way to explore my own understanding, and much more likely to motivate me to do something. If I’m cleaning the bathroom for myself, it feels like a lot of effort, but if it’s for a Dominant, it feels like an opportunity to prove myself and improve the life of another person. There’s also freedom to be found in restrictions – I must spend hours staring into the fridge trying to decide what to eat! In sum, it’s about motivation and accountability, and the freedom of restriction.
MasterMarc: It seems you have a deep desire to please and to become part of another guy’s life rather than to live your own. Is that correct, and how else would you characterize your desires and needs?
Harry: That sounds right! I think a big need of mine is to feel wanted and desired. I touched on this in the questionnaire – I want to feel wanted. Some guys make me feel pathetic and good, because they love it and love making guys like me weak and pathetic. But then there are others who simply enjoy tearing someone down and then act as if that’s undesirable. I find it impossible to feel motivated to serve someone that doesn’t offer the positive reinforcement alongside the negative.
Having a kind of friendship alongside the kink certainly helps too. The people and scenes I’ve enjoyed the most have been with someone who I know outside of kink a little. It’s far hotter seeing someone who you’ve just joked with turn into a controlling Dom than it is for someone to be in that mindset 100% of the time.
MasterMarc: To feel wanted sounds quite romantic. Or is it probably more the feeling of being useful, helpful, and satisfying for your “partner,” earning his attention and good feedback, but also criticism and punishment if needed?
Harry: I think it’s probably a balance of those two. Not always necessarily romantic, perhaps erotic. And the second is definitely an important part of the sub/Dom dynamic – being of use, earning praise and criticism, and in turn becoming more useful.
Inferiority, Satisfaction, and the Power of Denial
MasterMarc: Would you say that you’re an inferior? And do you love to be it?
Harry: I would say yes, in the classical sense. I am inferior because I am of lower rank than Dominants. There’s a lot of discussion in the kink world about this, with some people being very strongly committed to the idea of inferiority/superiority and some people being very strongly against. For me, it is closer to fantasy than reality – I’m inferior in rank, but my desires and body are no better or worse than those of another. It’s super satisfying for me when I can serve and satisfy a Dom.
MasterMarc: I have experience with long-term lived slavery, and in my eyes, if you live it in a good way, it’s like in normal life: GIVE and TAKE. Devotion has to be earned, and a Master has to carry the responsibility and to take care of and protect his boys. The goal is that all involved are satisfied. The good thing about real sub/slave guys is that they get their own satisfaction by satisfying others. Would you agree, and can you tell us some examples from your experience?
Harry: Definitely! It’s super satisfying for me when I can serve and satisfy a Dom.
One moment that stood out to me is when I was staying in an apartment with a Dom, and he praised me for rinsing the glasses before getting him a drink. That I did something like that to improve his experience, without thinking, impressed him, and his reaction in turn made me feel so good. Of course, I’ve licked many a thing from boots to pits, and reveled in serving sexually. Being able to arouse and bring a man to orgasm is powerful, and knowing that I made someone feel that good… it’s almost indescribable!
MasterMarc: How important is your own orgasm for your satisfaction?
Harry: Definitely less important. Like most guys, I enjoy orgasming, but focusing on the Dom’s orgasm and being denied can create a much more powerful and satisfying headspace and attitude, that lasts far longer than any orgasm. This is one reason why I want something longer term – so I can practice being in chastity, locked and denied, for longer and longer.
MasterMarc: Long-term chastity is a kind of “castration” of a boy, to take away his manhood and to make him focus sexually on his holes. Is the feeling of becoming a pussyboy and not being a real man something you like?
Harry: Definitely! Even to be dehumanized so far as to be little more than a living fleshlight is something that can appeal to me at times.
MasterMarc: That means if you feel the protection we’ve been talking about before, you don’t want to be a sub partner; you prefer to become an owned object with no rights of your own?
Harry: Something close to that, I think. It’s hard to judge specifically what I want longer term because obviously I don’t have endless experience. But being owned and with next to no rights is something I would very much like to explore. More likely there would be some balance and alternation between being a complete object and being a sub.
Humiliation, Boundaries, and the Ideal Dom
MasterMarc: This lifestyle also always includes humiliation. How important is humiliation for you, and can you give us some examples of situations where you felt humiliated and kind of embarrassed, but at the same time you liked it and felt good?
Harry: I don’t find humiliation that important. I said it earlier, but I like feeling desired, which doesn’t always work in humiliation. That being said, being dressed up in slutty thongs, being spit on/in, foot worship can all be portrayed as quite humiliating, and I have enjoyed those a lot. I think when the Dom recognizes that I’m submitting to humiliation because I want to serve and impress so badly, it works. If he finds it funny and endearing and likes seeing me desperate and that makes him want to use me more, it’s very hot. If it’s just sitting there saying I’m useless/pathetic and making out almost as if I shouldn’t be there – I switch off and don’t want to submit.
MasterMarc: Oh, that is an important point: I could never humiliate someone I don’t like and don’t have a good picture of him, just as I could never punish and torture a boy I don’t really like. It is always about the motivation behind it. It has to be a positive one. Then humiliation can become a kind of appreciation and pain a kind of tenderness. Do you understand what I mean?
Harry: I think that a lot of the guys do have an interest in me, but that doesn’t come across in their domination when they try to humiliate. It’s probably something to do with that border between fantasy and reality. But I definitely agree that the humiliation and pain can be a form of appreciation and tenderness – encouraging a boy to take one more spank, or finding it adorable how messed up a sub will get for a Dom.
MasterMarc: Now you’ve excluded some types of guys from becoming your Dom and owner. Perhaps you should also tell us what kind of Dom you’re looking for?
Harry: I’ve probably woven the kind of Dom that appeals to me throughout my answers. One who is controlling and considerate. One who pushes me and helps me to grow, whether that’s into greater depravity or increasing utility. And definitely one who knows the difference between fantasies and reality, and how to work with both. I’ve learned a lot about myself through my exploration of kink, so getting to do that with a good Dom can be very powerful.
MasterMarc: And I’m quite sure that if you find the guy you feel comfortable and safe, you would love to give also consent to non-consent. Am I right?
Harry: Exactly! You’ve got to save some things for the second date!
What do you think, Kinkfinity readers? Does Harry’s quest for total power exchange resonate with your own desires for ultimate surrender? Let us know in the comments!
