The Nullification Story of Layli continues! We follow up on his life-altering decision, focusing on the surgery, the profound psychological and physical changes, and how the permanent cut revolutionized his sex life, granting a stronger, more focused orgasm and cementing his submissive Kink-Lifestyle.
Read Layli’s first article here: The Journey of a Nullification 1 – The Unwanted Suit
MasterMarc: Hi Layli, great to have you back. Last time we covered your journey up to the decision. Today, we want to talk about the Nullification in June 2023 and, of course, the time after. Tell me, how did you feel in Mexico on your last day as an unwanted cock-bearer?
Layli: Hi MasterMarc, thanks! It’s really great that we’re having the second chat. The term “unwanted cock-bearer” perfectly captures it—it was like carrying this thing with me my whole life, even though I never felt like it belonged.
My last day in Mexico was an extreme mental rollercoaster. The doubts skyrocketed in the hours before the surgery. It’s one thing to know intellectually that you hate this part of your body. But it’s a completely different thing to know that tomorrow you’re walking into a room and waking up without HIM. That’s terrifying somehow because it’s so final.
When the surgery was then postponed by another day, I saw it as a “Test of the Universe.” It was the last chance to turn back. I had to ask myself: Do I really want to regret for the rest of my life that I didn’t dare take this step out of fear? That’s when I knew: I have to switch off my mind and follow my heart. I can’t live forever full of logical reservations and fears. Life is once. I didn’t want a big farewell ritual either, no final time masturbating. I just wanted it to be over. Eyes closed and push through. I just wanted to cross the bridge. That was the real liberation. The decision was made.
MasterMarc: Well, at some point you woke up, still groggy, but I can imagine your thoughts quickly wandered between your legs.
Layli: Hehe, you’re absolutely right. It was a very strange yet blissful and comfortable moment. I actually woke up while they were still bandaging me. And the first thing the surgeon did – which was incredibly important – was to show me a photo of my crotch after the operation. I’m so grateful for that, because it immediately removed all uncertainty. The aesthetic side, which was so vital to me, looked for the circumstances great instantly. I made two little graphic for you so you can imagine what they did to me in the operating room.
Believe me, that moment was true liberation. Finally, “HIM” was gone!
MasterMarc: That sounds very much like a physical liberation, but I imagine it was even more of a psychological one.
Layli: Definitely. It wasn’t just the physical removal of the unwanted part. It was the absolute certainty that my inner nature and my body were finally congruent. I felt at home in my body for the first time in a long time. That was overwhelming.
Today, 2.5 years after the operation, when I look at naked photos of myself from before the surgery, it looks so wrong, as if something unnatural was stuck to me. Even in photos with clothes, there was that bulge that many are proud of, but that was exactly what bothered me. So, it’s probably clear to you all that I’m extremly happy with the decision to this day. I’m finally wearing the suit that fits me and in which I look good and AUTHENTIC.
And there was another feeling of liberation that gave me so much inner strength and self-confidence. This decision proved that I am capable of doing anything if I really want it. Going through something like this shows you that you’re no longer a ‘victim’ of the circumstances; instead, you’re holding the steering wheel yourself, actively making changes to reach your goals.
MasterMarc: Last time, you clearly revealed your submissive nature between the lines. I know from my slaves that they dislike making decisions. Wasn’t it also a psychological liberation not having to decide anymore, because now the thing is gone, there’s nothing left to decide?
Layli: Wow. Yes. That’s the point most people miss. It wasn’t just the physical removal. It was the liberation from the burden of permanent decision. I could have potentially put off the surgery for five more years, constantly having to think, doubt, and weigh the options. When you make such an extreme, irreversible decision, you end that endless loop of fear and logic. Now it is done. There is no going back, but there is also no longer any need to think about it. That was the second, the true psychological liberation.
MasterMarc: The psychological liberation was immediate, then. But the physical reality is the healing. Was the time after the surgery very painful, and how long did it take for you to feel “normal” again?
Layli: It was a tough road. I always say I brought my Nintendo Switch along to keep my head busy. It was painful, but it was for a good reason. Then came the trip home. I had to go through airports with a catheter and bandages—you’re happy just to be distracted and not think too much then. The healing lasted about six months until I fully recovered. I even made a little graphic for you about that.
And yes, the doubts came back during that time, and I had to actively fight them. But I’m glad they slowly tapered off. As I said, it’s a head-versus-heart battle, but the heart won.
MasterMarc: How did you manage that? Was there a psychological trick against this false sense of “regret”?
Layli: My best trick against doubts was looking at old photos of myself. I had to actively remind myself how WRONG and UNNATURAL IT FELT to have the “Bulge” or the “unwanted suit.” That immediately helped ward off the doubts. It reminds you that the decision was right.
MasterMarc: What are the most beautiful small joys in everyday life with your new body?
Layli: Oh my God, never having to adjust my parts in my pants again! That is not something you take for granted! I go to the gym wearing tight shorts from the women’s section, and I love it when people stare and try to figure out what’s going on down there. In that tiny glance, they realize: I don’t belong in their category. That, for me, is the most beautiful affirmation.
MasterMarc: I know what many readers are interested in now: Your sex life… we’re all little voyeurs, after all. What has changed, and what about your sexual drive?
Layli: Hehe… My sex life is much better. My drive is stronger. I can intentionally keep myself horny and aroused for a whole week without the downsides like pain or “Blue Balls.” And yes, I enjoy keeping myself intentionally horny. But the biggest change is the experience itself. The penis was always a distraction. I don’t need to explain to cock-bearers how dominant the penis nerves are. When he’s hard, he’s internally shouting: “Touch me, pay attention to me.” When you were bottoming before, you always felt your own cock too; that distracted you from the actual fucking. Now he’s gone. Now, I am 100% focused on the penetration and the pleasure of my ass. It feels like magic. I feel the Top’s cock and not mine.
MasterMarc: As you showed us in your graphic, your glans is still there, just under the skin. So those “cock sensations” are still present. Is the change really that big?
Layli: That’s exactly it – it’s under the skin, so there’s a damped layer over it. And much more importantly, its status has been degraded, and it no longer receives the importance or intensity of sensations it had before.
MasterMarc: Oh yes, we know that – the cock demands attention, and often in a pushy way. We cock-bearers, and especially us Tops and Masters, can confirm that. He wants to be played with, because we want to cum, to spread our genetic material as far as possible. That brings us to the big topic: The orgasm! What has changed there?
Layli: 😉 The biggest change is that it is now longer and more intense. I had my first orgasm about a month after the surgery – I couldn’t wait any longer, I was too horny. I triggered it hands-free, purely mental (Yes, I can do that!), because I didn’t want to touch the fresh wound. And it was just… pure bliss!!! Now many people wonder what exactly is still being sprayed since the balls are gone. But sperm only accounts for 1–5% of the ejaculate. The rest comes from the seminal vesicles, the prostate, and the bulbourethral glands. And all that is still present.
MasterMarc: And how did that first orgasm feel?
Layli: It was confusing! It felt longer, and it’s simply different from what I was used to, because you no longer feel the load pumping through the shaft and the glans. It now comes out less prominently from that little pee-hole, which is located further down than the internal glans.
But I almost slightly ruined that first orgasm myself, because my mind was busy making sure the contractions weren’t too strong, so as not to stress the surgical site. It was a battle! But after complete healing, it’s great: It is longer, stronger, and more intense. And much easier to prolong – you can control it more easily because the nerve-epicenter cock is gone.
MasterMarc: Well, the cock is also another epicenter- namely, the epicenter of sexual egoism, which is very familiar to us dominant people. Has your submissivity intensified since the operation?
Layli: Absolutely. My penis stood for the manifestation of sexual egoism. Taking him away is also an act of sexual altruism and service. It is the devotion to the satisfaction of the other. Now, I am almost 100% focused on my partner’s pleasure, and I find my own gratification in that. The Nullification didn’t just confirm my submissive nature; it intensified it. It is a great liberation from the masculine role one felt pressured to fulfill. I seek guidance, protection, and trust, and I want to serve and please – the Nullification fully supports this identity.
MasterMarc: The motivation for your Nullification is based on your Gender Dysphoria. How do you feel about others deciding to get castrated or even nullified more out of a Kink need?
Layli: Nullification/Castration driven by Kink is often a conscious sacrifice and/or an act of service – the removal of sexual egoism, as we just discussed. That is a pure form of sexual altruism, an even greater escalation compared to my, let’s say, egoistically motivated Nullification. I did it for myself, so I could solve my own discomfort.
As a submissive person, however, I can also understand the appeal and motivation that grows from a Kink need. Although, I see a greater risk of regret in having taken that step. But I can easily imagine that making this sacrifice for someone else can be just as intense and gratifying as adjusting yourself to your own self-image. You are not confirming your physical nature, but your devout trait as a Submissive in the service of another. The act is therefore not a correction, but a reinforcement.
But I always say: If Kink is the main motivation, you should be very cautious. Kinks can change. That’s why having a coherent psychological narrative is so important. I strongly advise people who want to go this route: If you have doubts, it is better to have a stronger reason than just sexual arousal, so that later, if the Kink perhaps tapers off, you can hold on to that anchor. And I recommend that everyone turn to professionals, just as I did with two different psychologists. That helps and provides security.
MasterMarc: I think it’s incredibly powerful that you are so open about your Nullification, and it seems to be a huge need. Your X/Twitter account shows that you aren’t hiding and that you want to educate. That is simply great. But you are not just a Nullo; you are also a filmmaker, content creator, and you have a Nullo mission with your projects. Your first film is called “Freed.” What is your artistic message that goes beyond the portrayal of Kink?
Layli: I use my background from the Film and TV industry to create high-quality, artistic fetish content. Every film is a standalone piece of art with its own concept. I want to show that eroticism and sexuality can be deeply emotional and philosophical. “FILM#01: Freed” explores the various levels of freedom, including that one finds in total submission, the freedom from responsibility. But also “freedom” in the specific context of the film’s story.
MasterMarc: You don’t just want to be another OF-Creator; you want to be what I call a “Kinkfluencer.” What does that mean to you?
Layli: I want to be a personality with a story, not disposable genitals. My mission is to inform and educate about the Nullo community, not promote it. I show the whole narrative, including the doubts and the struggle between head and heart, because I don’t want anyone taking this extreme step out of a naive fantasy. The psychological and mental part is 80% of it. I am convinced that my story can help others find their own narrative.
MasterMarc: Layli, thank you so much for this incredibly open insight into your journey. We will closely follow your artistic projects and your continued path as a Kinkfluencer.
